Seychelles/Michelle Veronique app (2nd try) (Complete)

~Seychelles ~

Seychelles/Michelle Veronique app (2nd try) (Complete) Tumblr_l80xi4k8a41qzdxwlo1_500

Name: Michelle Veronique

Age: 16

Birthday: June 29

Country of Origin: Seychelles

Floor in the building: 3rd

How long they've lived in the building: 1 month

Job: Student

Powers: She turns into a mermaid and can speak to fish.

Appearance:

When you first look at Michelle she appears to be much younger than she is. She has light brown skin and has long black hair to her mid-torso. She has a very petite figure but has some muscle tone. She has normal sized eyebrows and she has two big red ribbons in her hair almost all hours of the day. She is about 5 foot 4 (about 161.5 cm). Her hair is very silky but can get a little frizzy in the high humidity. She also has big brown eyes that you could lose yourself in.

She normally likes to wear sundresses that belong on the beach despite her being in London. She does have some very elegant dresses and such but chooses not to wear them. Her closet is almost all sundresses and sandals due to the fact she has just moved from her tropical island home. She enjoys twirling around and pretending she’s back on the beach.

Personality:

Michelle is a simple country girl. She loves meeting new people and is friendly almost immediately. However, she is sometimes careless and takes awhile to adapt. Michelle doesn’t get pop culture references and speaks in contractions. She is quick to bond with people and loves to make new friends. It takes a lot to push her buttons but once she is peeved she is really peeved. She can be quite sarcastic when she wants to be and is most likely to give the silent treatment. But she is always the first to forgive and say sorry.

Michelle is a free spirit type of person. She loves to spend her days day-dreaming and enjoying the simple things. If confronted with a problem, she'll always choose the solution that works out best for everyone. Michelle is prone to taking things a little too personally but gets over things quite quickly.

She likes, well, almost everything. She likes to try new things all the time and is not one to judge. Over all, much like the islands she was raised on, she is a simple, sunny girl. She goes through her days as if she were still living her island life. Michelle tries her best to do well by other people and smiles all the time.

Likes:

*Fish: They interest her.
*Sun shine: It reminds her of home.
*Snow: One of the things she never got back home. She could play in it for hours on end.
*Comedies: She loves a good laugh now and again.
*Swimming: She used to swim all the time but now gets as much of it in as she can.
*Parks: Michelle needs to escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life and loves to relax in the park.

Dislikes:

*Intolerance: Pet peeve.
*Rain: Depressing to her.
*Pollution: She loves the sea and she hates seeing it get destroyed.
*Cooking: Simply because she can’t do it.
*Fishing nets: Her birth father was killed in one of these so she never likes seeing them around.

Any other information:

She is fluent in French, English, and Seychellois Creole.

History:

Michelle was born on the island Mahé, the main island of Seychelles, to two ichthyologists. She was raised in the lap of luxury and was used to the laziness of the upper class. Her mother was a native to the island that works to preserve the aquatic ecosystem. Her birth father was a French Scientist who came to Seychelles to study migration habits. They got married after love at first sight and had one girl. This was Michelle.

Michelle was a big-hearted country girl that loved the sea. After school she would always go down to the beach and play in the water. Since she had such a way with animals, Michelle was able to get very close to the aquatic life in Seychelles. By the age of 6 she had a 'pet' swordfish she would see everyday on the beach and dubbed him 'Swimmy'. Ever since then Michelle has always loved sea animals and discovered she wanted to work with them when she grew up.

Michelle had a beautiful childhood until her dad died while on a dive when she was nine. The police found that he got trapped in a fishing net trying to rescue a dolphin. Michelle and her mother fell into a deep depression and her grades began to slip. She then had an epiphany that her father would not want this to happen and she became an A+ student.

Michelle, one day, found her father’s old study logs and discovered that her father always wanted Michelle to follow his footsteps and continue his research. However, Michelle’s mom remarried and her new step-dad had no interest in Michelle whatsoever. He ignored Michelle everyday and used her as a maid and nothing more. In an annoyed state Michelle looked through her fathers contacts and found her godfather. Her godfather was an old colleague of her birth father’s and he worked at the aquarium in London, England.

Desperate to escape the monotony of her life, Michelle called him and explained her situation to him. He understood and asked her parents of she could live with him in London (to which their answer was immediately ‘Yes’). Michelle hopped on the first plane out and went to live with her godfather. There she continued her father’s work, which has been featured in the aquarium. She lives in her own apartment as an emancipated minor due to the fact that her godfather’s landlord doesn’t allow children. She doesn’t necessarily go to a special school for her research. Rather she has her godfather ‘tutor’ her. She goes to the high school nearby and lives a short walk from the aquarium. Now Michelle puts up with the dreariness of London to get a new beginning and perhaps fulfill her birth father's wishes.

Details of their powers:

Mermaid-ism: When she comes into contact with a large amount of water her legs turn into a fin and she grows gills and webbed hands. She will not be affected by small amounts of water such as rain or washing the dishes. However, She will be affected if she goes into anything that can submerge her legs underwater such as pools, baths, fountains, etc. While in mermaid form, Michelle can withstand cold and high pressure that comes with diving down deep into the sea. She also has Electroreception like sharks. But these only work while she is in her mermaid form.

Telepathy: This is the basic ability to be able to read others thoughts and sending ones own thoughts to others. Michelle’s kind only spans to aquatic animals like ~~Aqua man~~ fish.

RP Sample:

Michelle looked out the window. It was raining. She sighed and returned to her work on the anatomy of a manatee with thoughts such as ‘I hate the rain’ swimming in her head. Suddenly lightning flashed across the sky and she hid under the table.
“The forecast called for sunny!” she said to the world. She returned to her desk and continued her essay. Thunder repeatedly interrupted her thinking process so she quit for the night. She sat by the window sipping coconut juice, hoping the familiar taste will calm her nerves. Suddenly lightning struck practically across the street. She jumped and almost knocked over her fish bowl in the process. She balances it and fills it back up with water again.
“That was really close!” she said. While putting her tropical fish back in the bowl. She hugged the bowl and returned the couch with it, setting it on the coffee table across from her. Another flash of lightning drove her fish into its castle.
"No need to be afraid." she said to it with no avail. Michelle frowned. Suddenly lightning struck the building and Michelle felt a rush of power in her veins. She fainted and fell to the floor. She woke up to the sound of whispers and the alarm clock going off in her room.

~OOC~

Name: Char or Ceecie

Time zone/Country: United States, (GMT -4)

Age: 14

A little about yourself:
This is my first time doing a forum RP~ But I think I will catch on quickly.
Anything Else: I’m terrible with technology. I’ve role-played Sey on two other RPs but they were script format. My favorite color is sea-green~

Hello Miss Sey! I'm afraid I can't accept you just yet. Please make the appropriate changes to your app based on this list. Until you do, I cannot accept you!

First of all, I ask you not to write out your complete application in bold purple, as it makes it difficult to read.
She is 16, and that is not old enough to be attending University, especially if she had been dividing her attention between studying Marine Biology and normal studies, unless she's abnormally clever. Not to mention I find it hard to believe that she's already in University for such a difficult subject at such a young age, not to mention having her work featured in an aquarium already. It sounds like you're writing a 23 year old but you wanted to play a teenager.
Because she can't be attending University, she also can't be living by herself at 16 years old.
In Appearances, you said "She is very normal in terms of body proportions but makes up for it in personality." I object to this sentence greatly, because it suggests that being normal is a bad thing and that good appearances come first. That could just be me, but that is how I feel.
If she does "Make up for her body proportions" in personality, why is the first sentence in the Personality section "Michelle is a simple girl"? Again, it may just be me, but it doesn't seem to fit.
Saying she considers everyone she meets her friend is unexplained, and also a little too broad to be realistic. It makes the Likes section, where you said she likes 'Funny People' a little pointless, as she likes everyone, apparently.
You need to watch your grammar. For example, you used the word "Work" six times in three sentences during your second history paragraph. You also missed a couple of apostrophes and added unnecessary words which make sentences more difficult to understand.
Speaking of your History, it's very short and brief. It tells me nothing of her family. Did she have a mother? What was her relationship with her parents? How did she live when her dad died? If she was giving all her attention to Marine Biology, what happened to her grades in her other subjects? And why did she move to London? It couldn't possibly be just because her work was featured in the Aquarium, could it? I mean, she hates the rain and wears summer dresses, London doesn't seem like her ideal place- especially since she just came from Seychelles where it's far warmer.
Her Mermaid power seems inconvenient. You'll have to explain that in greater detail. If it rains so much in London, won't she turn into a Mermaid in the most inconvenient of places? What about if she's simply drinking a glass of water? Please explain.
Telepathy is a power I can accept. However, it needs its limits. Keep it to one species, please. It wouldn't be fair on, say, Gilbert because he can communicate with birds and birds alone, and then your character is talking to everything here there and everywhere. So please limit it!
Just a couple of small things, now, nothing big! First, you need five dislikes, and you only have four. Second, You need to read over the rules again, because you are missing something in your app. Third, I can't imagine any length of hair taking 20 minutes to brush, unless you are Rapunzel.

That's all you need to change! You have two tries left, and don't be intimidated by the list!

This is a million times better! The edits you've done look great, and I can say that you are accepted! Feel free to change your name and start posting.

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